You Just Gotta Love

I feel like I have been very blessed to come to the family that I have. My Parents are perfect for me. They give me just the right amount of encouragement and the right amount of praise and the right amount of love. Mom and Dad taught me the Gospel and how to treat people right. And they gave me a bunch of siblings to love that love me. All my siblings are perfect for me in a different way. I go to them each for different things. I love to just talk to my brothers and sisters and see how they're doin'. Even though there's a pretty big age spread between me and my oldest sister, I still feel like I have a relationship with all of my siblings. They've done a really good job of putting in effort to get to know me and be involved in my life as I've grown up. And Audrey Hepburn said it... "The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." I am grateful I get to hold onto the family that I have forever and throughout eternity. 

And I'm Real Too

Okay folks. I am a positive person! I really love my life! And every post I write, I tell how awesome my life is! And I believe it! I have a great life and I love living it! But, I'm real too. Not every single day is all peachy keys and I don't have everything in life figured out. You see, there's not an easy way to express this, but I feel like for my blog readers that might also feel a little in limbo, hearing that they're not the only ones might help. And that's what I want to do with this post. Help people feel good about themselves by giving them something to connect to.

I have goals. I do. My goals are to be a good person. I want to someday be a good wife and a good mother. Those are my main goals. I want to be nice and make a difference in people's lives. Those are good goals. I like those goals. That's what I want to do. But, I am not in complete control of when I'll get married and it's very hard to measure kindness and goodness. My goals don't have a time limit and they don't have a measure. That's something I'm very not used to. In high school I had goals to be in the 10,000 shot club; to win the state championship; to graduate; and to get into BYU. All of those things had dead lines. My goals outside of high school were Get into BYU and then the goals that I already mentioned. So, I am struggling to stay motivated in school. I struggle to find the motivation to want A's. I am settling for B's which was never acceptable to me in high school. I know I could get A's if I would just buckle down and focus and study... instead of blogging :). But my goal is not to be a working woman. I don't want to be a business woman or a career woman very much. So, it's hard to stay super motivated in my school work. But I know I need to be in school and get my degree because it may be the case that I get through school and I won't be married and my goals will still be waiting and I'll be a working woman and so I can't quit and I can't leave. Which leads me to the next thing that makes me really--real...

I am feeling a little restless. I wonder if I should change my major... Am I'm doing something that I really love and being a Exercise and Wellness major for right reasons? I was so sure when I picked this major last year, but now I'm restless. I question myself. And along with being restless comes some rash thinking... like I should cut my hair off, or dye it. Just some kind of change! Or transfer to BYU Hawaii or Wyoming. Or just skip a year of school and move to somewhere and get a job. Or leave the country for a few months (which I really really want to do, and might follow in Livi's footsteps. We'll see.) You know... just restlessness. I have a great life. I'm not trying to find a way to run away. Just sometimes there needs to be some kind of big change or something! I don't know.

And then there's like a little bit of identity crisis! Some of you might be surprised, I'm kind of shy, especially when I'm out of comfort zone: my own home/apartment, my family/roommates. But when I'm in my comfort zone I'm crazy, and weird and silly and embarrassing, but I don't get embarrassed in my comfort zone. But then I go out of my comfort zone, and I kind of get a little reclusive or kind of hide behind my roommates. I struggle to get the courage to meet people. And then I have an identity crisis. Am I outgoing and silly, or am I shy? I just don't know. I once read a post about introverted extraverts and that is me. And it's a conflict. It really is. It's hard to figure out if I'm shy or silly; or if I'm embarrassed or don't care. It's just a struggle to know, ya know?!

So folks, that's some truths into my life. My life is great and I love it! But sometimes I am confused with myself and where I'm headed and when, and I struggle to stay motivated about some things and that's the fact about life. It's not bad, it's just normal. And I'm real.

Pep Talks & Testing & A Loving Father

Mid-terms... Remember when I posted about the realities of college and how I really don't like grades. Well, I really don't like grades. This week has been crazy! I had a paper and a project due and 4 tests. The craziest day was Wednesday. I had my Anatomy Lab test, my Personal Finance Test, and my Anatomy Lecture Test. My lab test was first and I seriously have spent more time studying for that class than any other class in my whole life combined! I was just needin' a little break before I went in and took the test, so I went on youtube and watched my favorite pep-talk from Remember the Titans. And it's not about anatomy or test taking, but I totally felt like it was this time.

It's an inspiring speech really. The part that got my ready for my test was when he said, "if we don't come together, we too will be destroyed.... I don't care if you don't like each other, but you will respect each other. And maybe, maybe we'll learn to play this game like men." So, I thought to myself, "I don't really love taking tests, but I respect anatomy and this test. And if anatomy and I don't come together, I'm going to get destroyed! So, today I'm gonna get it together with anatomy, and take this test like a woman." And then I was pumped! Okay, that's an exaggeration, but I was more ready for the test. I don't know how I did on the test, but I think I did alright.

Then I had my finance test... I should have re-watched the speech. It didn't go so well. (I deserved that though; I didn't study very hard) Haha. But then I had my other Anatomy mid-term and I remembered the speech. More importantly though, I went in with a constant prayer in my heart. I prayed for help to remember what I had studied, because I studied more for this class than any other class in my life. So, I was prayin' hard and answers kept coming to my mind. I would remember reading and studying the stuff that the question was asking about, but I didn't know between two answers, and then Heavenly Father, knowing that this was important to me, would send me a thought, or help me remember something that me and Mary had made up. And when that would happen, I just said thank-you. Sometimes too, I would get to a question that I knew I hadn't studied for and I would wait a second for an answer... I wouldn't get one. So, I learned that my Heavenly Father knows me and knows what is important to me and knows what I need help with. But, he knows what work I did and he's not going to help me remember things that I didn't take the time to study. He's not going to give me answers that I don't deserve. He's loving and fair and expects me to do my part. Anyways, I got out of the test and went and looked at my score and just said, Thank you!

I know that Heavenly Father hears my pleas and my prayers for help and confidence and calmness. And I know that if I want to do well, I have to do my part. I love this quote by President Hinckley:

So, all you other college students and people that are working every day to be better and succeed at something, pray for help, but do your part. You'll be blessed. 

My Fabulous Weekend!

So, for the first time in my life I missed homecoming in Cokeville. I missed seeing the decorations and the football game and the volleyball game. And I missed going home and seeing my brother and sister-in law and sister and nephews and my dad. I missed watching conference in my house. I still LOVE Cokeville the same amount and I will always be a Panther, but sometimes you just have to stay where you're at. And it was a GREAT weekend!

Fist off, I had to stay and take a test Friday morning. Not exciting, but necessary to stay in this school, which I love and feel so blessed to be attending. Second off, Football game Friday night! Super bummer for the Cougars. So now you're wondering how in the world this could be a great weekend. Let me show you and tell you! On my way to the game, unplanned, I ran into my cousin Joey and my friend Dillan, who's down from Alaska! It was crazy! I was with my roommate Hanna, so we didn't stay and chat long, but it was good to see people that I know!

Then I got to meet Hanna's brother! I love meeting my roommates families!

During the 4th quarter, sad football fans started trickling out, so Hanna went and sat with her brother and I went and found my Aunt and Uncle and Cousin Jason. I love them, even though Jason's an Aggie.

Saturday morning, woke up and ran with my friend Ben. I made him run slow and he probably wishes he would have gone by himself, but oh well. And then we had conference breakfast at my house with a few friends! It was delicious! And then we watched conference in the comfort of our home. And a little bit back in time, after the football game Dillan called me and said, if you can find a way down to Salt Lake tomorrow, I have a ticket for you for the afternoon session. Well, of course I was gonna say yes. So I went down to conference with Dillan and Kyle and Brennan and Brennan's friend. It was a really good session, with really great people. I was for sure lucky to get to go with them! After the session, Dillan and Kyle and I went and got Philly Cheese-Steaks in City Creek! They were delicious! And then they went to Priesthood and I went to my cousin Hanna's house! Sadie and their nephew Brandon met us and we chilled and had a sleep over! So great to be with family that I love! 

Sunday morning we woke up to a great surprise of Donuts from Sandy! What an awesome dude! And we watched conference in their lovely home! Hanna is pregnant and she's lookin' super cute and her and Sandy were so nice to let me sleep there! 

Sunday Afternoon, Sadie left and I was planning on getting back to Provo with Kendahl, who was going to the afternoon session. So, I put my skirt back on and headed down to the conference center to try and bum a ticket. While I was standin' out there holding up my one finger, Kendahl walked by and she happened to have an extra ticket for me! I got to quit bummin' a ticket. And I got into conference again, with friends. I was just surrounded by great people all weekend. Lucky me! 

And my take away from Conference:

        I will sustain and support the Prophet of God because I know that He is indeed called of God and speaks the word of God. 

        I learned again that little choices that I make can and do affect a lot of people. I pray that I will have the strength and be spiritually in-tune to make the right choices.

        I felt again the importance of being Kind. I want to always be kind. 

        I'm going to prepare now, by making personal habits of prayer and scripture study, so that in the future I can be a good mom. I want to be a good mom! I want my kids to love me and I want them to be happy and I want to know that I did all I could for them in the Gospel. 

It was a great weekend! Great people: Roommates, Cousins, Friends clear from Alaska, the Prophet, The Apostles. Just awesome! I love my life!