Trust in the Lord

In Moroni Chapter 10, verse 3 we read,

           "Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that you would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts."

As I read the Book of Mormon I took the challenge to read it by topic. This time I read to learn how to trust more in the Lord and His timing. What a blessing it has been in my life to focus my attention on that topic. I am a bit of a controller. I like to plan my future at least a year in advance. However, sometimes my plan is not the right plan and I have to remember all the times that my plan didn't work like I wanted it too, but instead so much better because it was the Lord's plan I ended up following.

This verse asks us to ponder in our hearts how merciful the Lord has been since the beginning of time. As I do I recognize that the Lord wants to bless His children. Much of the time the inhabitants of this earth must go through hard times and trials and may wonder "where is the Lord?" In the Book of Mormon there are countless examples of this. What I saw this time as I read was that if the Lord promised to help them, or save them from their adversaries, He always came through. Maybe not at the time the people wanted, or in the way that they thought would be best, but He always kept His word, and He continues to keep his word always.

I know that the Lord has a plan for each of us. That plan includes trials and hardships and helps us grow in faith and learn to put our trust in the Lord. I'm positive I won't be perfect at this probably ever, but it's helpful to be reminded of His love for His children and try to trust in Him continually.

Women Empowered

I have found something to be passionate about and it involves empowering women. I am so grateful to be a woman and think that women are going to help change this world. I used to think that this was a man's world and that a woman's place was a little less. I don't know where I came up with that idea because it wasn't something I was taught directly, my dad never overpowered my mom, my brothers are kind, my brothers-in-law treat my sisters so well. I guess maybe it came from tv or the books that I like to read. But wherever it came from, that's how I felt. Recently I have been starting to see things differently. I do believe that women are equals to men. What I don't believe is that women and men are the same. We're not. We have different gifts and qualities and responsibilities, but we are equally important and  have a positive impact on many many lives.

This weekend I attended a women's conference where three different topics were discussed. We talked about Healthy Relationships and Intimacy, The Doctrine of Womanhood, and the importance of Health and Wellness. I came away empowered and extremely glad to be a woman. As I review my notes from the last General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I love Women's Conference! It was reiterated that women are influential and that we can change the WORLD. I believe that 100%. I know that we can change the world, and it starts by helping and serving right where we are. In my entrepeneurship class this semester my professor says, "Use what you have. Do what you can. Start where you are." I think that is very applicable to empowering women and serving in the community around us. We just need to start. It starts with us, today.

At the conference this last weekend with my stake they shared this video and I really like it. It makes me extremely happy to be a woman. It goes for all women, whatever race, background, religion, age that you are, this pertains to you.

We are daughters of God. A woman was the first human in mortal existance. A woman is built to help God in His plan of happiness through the creation of more of His children. A woman was the first to see the resurrected Savior. Women are special. We are important. We can change the world. Dream big. Be inspired. Be passionate. Start now, in your home, in your ward, in your community. Be an influence for good. We can. 

Books and Domestication

This week I found myself in a strange predicament. I didn't have any homework to do. And it was only Wednesday. I texted a friend to see what she was up to and of course told me homework. I was wondering how in the world I was going to use my time. Luckily Wednesday morning I had a desire to check out a book from the library. I LOVE reading. And I read the whole book--starting Wednesday night and finished it Saturday night. It was such a good read. It's called "Saving Grace", by Michele Paige Holmes. There was one part of the book that I really connected with. The female protagonist, Grace Thatcher, is reading in the Library and the male protagonist, Nicholas, asks her why she likes to read. She responds, 

"Well, on a day like today, when the world seems entirely dreary, one can read of other places full of sunshine and beauty and imagine himself there. Or if one's life is dull, he can immerse himself in adventure--fighting alongside the knights of the Round Table, slaying Cyclops with Odysseus, or leading an army against the traitor Macbeth... It is about enjoying." 

I do so enjoy reading and it was a great way to pass the week and weekend with little homework responsibilities. It is probably a good thing that I finished it already because I do have a test coming up and I best keep my nose to the grind stone this week. But it was so fun! 

Also, I bought all the stuff to bake bread. Mom came down on Monday and Tuesday and brought me her KitchenAid and so I put it to work! I like the process of baking bread. I like forming the loaves. And I really like the smell as it bakes! And it makes me feel so domestic! Just baking away in my shorts and t-shirt and apron with my braid falling out on both sides! The perfect picture of domestication! 

Keep on Walking

This semester has been one to remember. In a lot of moments I felt like it was one that I never wanted to remember, and maybe after final grades are in, I may still feel that way! To say the least, it's been harder than I thought it would be. It seems that I've gotten better at making lists. However, they're not generally lists to keep me on track. Their lists of weaknesses that I keep seeing. Example:

I'm not going to get a single A in any class this semester. In fact, I'm going to get my first D.
I haven't worked as much as I should, so now I have to borrow money.
I am sometimes a cocky know-it-all.
I haven't reached more than one of my end of year goals, and that I reached in September.
I don't eat very healthily, but I struggle to find motivation to change that.
I thought I'd be dating someone.
I haven't written in my journal in over a month.
Mostly I just feel like I'm faling at a lot of things in my life right now.

Anyways, those are the kinds of lists that I make and it's not a good thing. Luckily I have been in a stress management class that is helping me a lot. I also have the scriptures and prayer and church to help guide me. And family and friends. I have had the best support this semester with family and friends helping me make good lists of myself when I call them crying and distressed.

This semester after coming home from my mission has been hard for me too in that I feel like I have lost direction. I have lost the passion and ambition for my studies. I'm annoyed with myself for not having a plan. My plan for the better part of the semester followed along these lines:
    My future depends on if I get married or not. If I get married, I have a plan to become exactly what I want to be--a super awesome wife and mother. If I don't get married, I'm not sure what I'll do. I don't LOVE any one thing that I think will keep me satisfied very long as a single person. 
But I've also come to realize that I can't fulfill that goal on my own and it's frustrating. Over the semester though I have begun to develop a plan for the next year that helps me feel peace. I don't know if it's going to help me move towards achieving that goal, but a wise friend of mine once said, "Live as if you're not going to get married. And then when you do, what a blessing! But that way you don't miss out on experiences as a single person."

Then one night one of my best friends, Sarah Kennedy, suggested that we go reverse trick-or-treating. We dressed up and bought some candy. We put it in a bowl and went to various apartments buildings and gave candy away to others. We were drawn to this one apartment where we could hear a group of people playing the guitar and singing along. We knocked on the door and they invited us right in. the two guys on the guitar each played and sang us a song. It was awesome. One of them sang, "Keep on Walking" by Passenger.

I LOVE the message. It is so relevant. I'll let you interpret the song for yourself, but I wanted to point out two parts that have really helped me this semester.

I thought to myself, "Oh, son
You may be lost in more ways than one"
But I've a feeling that it's more fun
Than knowing exactly where you are.

I have not known where I am a lot this semester, in regards to how my future is going to pan out, but maybe it is fun to kind of muddle through it and learn and have experiences. I am trying to enjoy it anyways!

I'll keep on walking
Oh, I'll keep on walking
Until I find that old love or that old love comes to find me.

This is another thing that I'm really working on. I just need to keep on walking. If I keep on walking, I'll either find my old passion for becoming a personal trainer, or it will find me, or I'll find something else that really motivates me and I'll have the direction back in my life. I just have to keep on walking.

Anyways, this is a little rambly, but I wanted to get it down. I wish it was more positive and I wish that I was just feeling like everything in my life is perfect. I do feel like everything in my life is how it should be for the learning and growing that I need right now and I am grateful for all the good that there is in my life. 

To wrap it up I'd like to share a part of my scripture study the other day. I was reading the December Ensign and read a quote from Elder Oaks that I am trying to incorporate into my daily thinking. He observed, "How fundamentally different my life is than I had sought to plan! My professional life has changed. My personal life has changed. But the commitment I made to the Lord--to put Him first in my life and to be ready for whatever He would have me do--has carried me through these changes of eternal importance." 

I know that as I look to God for direction, I will find it. As I continue to study the scriptures and say my prayers and go to teach and treat others with love and kindness, I will be okay. The Lord will carry me through all the ups and downs and turns of life. 

Moments that Matter Most

Visiting Teaching; a walk with a friend; family home evening; grocery shopping; laundry; school; work; ice cream with a friend; scholarship application; internship application; plasma donation; spanish test; 4:30 A.M.; midnight; finding a family name for the temple; doing ordinances in the temple for that person; interview with my bishop; BYU basketball; library; homework; soccer; cycling; running; yoga; planning a friend hike up the Y; waiting to surprise a stressed friend; phone calls home. This week has been productive if not busy. 

For the last two months the stress has slowly been building and through the tools I am learning in my stress management class I have been doing a pretty good job of handling it. However, last night I found myself walking a mile home, feeling rejected, stressed, and doing all I could to not cry as I talked with my sister. I've been going 100 miles per hour doing a lot of really good things. But it's tiring. I hear that we shouldn't ever be tired of doing good things, and I'm not tired of doing them, but I'm tired for doing them. 

So, as I've been going through the rigors of balancing 17 credits and 10-15 hours of work, a social life, a church calling, personal health, etc. I have been kind of losing the why behind it all. Then I went to Yoga class--my class to just be present and shut out everything else. As I laid on my back,and focused on the moment, my teacher read the words of a living Prophet, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. 

He says, "We would do well to slow down a little." And, "Diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the World." 

So, even though I can't see a way to slow down, or things to cut out of my life right now, I am so grateful that as I try to serve those around me and be dilifently doing things that matter, I have the promise that I will come closer to Christ. I just needed the reminder. I'm grateful that I got it. 

Back to School at CES

I have been seeing a lot of "back to school" posts from moms. Well I'm not a mom and I'm not going back to school yet but I went back to CES this last week for just an hour and I felt so grateful for the childhood that I had and the great people in Cokeville Elementary School.

As I was helping my dad do his calendar and his Friend of the Week board and SRA folders, all while listening to Christmas music it reminded me of the days when I felt like the first day of school was about as good as Christmas! I'd lay out my outfit on the top bunk like a week or two before. I had my back-pack packed and ready too long before I needed to! I LOVED school! And with teachers like Mrs. Petersen, Mrs. Ribgy, Mrs. Taylor, My Dad, Mr. Warner, Mr. Moore and Mrs. Warner, how could I not love school!

Then I went to High School and loved the social life of school and a little less the actual school part. I played sports with my friends. I did band. I was a member of National Honor Society and participated in Student Body Offices! I had relationships with my teachers that were more like friendships because I knew they just wanted the best for me. I had it so good!!

I grew up and went to BYU. I cried. But I learned to really love it too!! How? My teachers mostly don't know me. I sometimes have friends in my classes, sometimes not. I do play sports, but not with coaches. I walk or ride my bike to get my own groceries! But I have met so many influencial people in my life and I have the best friends and have learned a lot about who I am. I just really like BYU!

School is so important to me and school is so good for me. And even though I am happy in my comfort zone right here in Cokeville, I am happy to be going back in a couple of weeks. And this is where it all got started! CES--Thank You!

Coming Home

I've been itching to write on my blog again.  I am just not sure how to gather my thoughts or what would be most helpful for me and for those of you that read my blog. So I would like to share a picture with you and a few of my thoughts on returning home from my mission.

A dear friend of mine, Hermana Guerra, drew this heart for me. She calls it The Heart of La Plata. I was blessed to serve my whole mission in the same city, La Plata, and this heart was the symbol of the city. When I asked her to draw it for me she said she would. I was not expecting her to put my face in it, but when I received this beautiful gift, I couldn't stop looking at it. Hermana Guerra put me into the heart of my mission and it will always be a symbol of accomplishment for me. 

I loved my mission. It was the hardest, best, happiest, full of tears, exciting, stressful, amazing, memorable time of my life. I don't know how to explain it, but I am so grateful that I was able to go and serve the Lord.

When I was getting close to coming home I was really anxious for coming home and nervous for how I would adjust to the "real life". Well, I think I'm doing okay. What keeps me going is just being grateful. I am grateful for my family--their support, their love, their direction. I am grateful for the prophets that give me direction and tips on how to be a successful human. I am grateful for my President for telling me to just hug pepole. I am grateful for the YSABranch in Montpelier that helps me keep reaching out and making friends and feeling like an important part of church on Sunday and during the week. 

I have nothing to be worried or nervous about as long as I just keep doing what is right. If I keep making time for scriptures and prayers and church and service. I know that as each of us just keeps hangning on, even if we don't feel like it, the Lord will help us along. He loves us and He loves me. I know that because He called me to the gratest mission of all time and is helping me LOVE every day since coming home too!